Meet my Baldur's Gate 3 character, Edders Sheeran the psychopathic bard

I'm not usually one for character creators. I don't like squinting at brow density or sliding the juiciness of my lips down a scale, twisting and turning my character as if it really and truly matters when I drown them in chainmail anyway. But getting my fella right for Baldur's Gate 3 was of utmost importance, as they'd be my 100+ hour vessel for awful, awful decisions. And I've started off strong, having created an awful little guy.

Let me introduce you to Edders Sheeran, the bard. On the surface he seems like a cheerful sprite, ready to pat his little drum and have everyone do a nice little dance. Truthfully, he is a psychopath who suppresses the urge to kill, thanks to a malevolent background choice that most would leave for a second playthrough, so as he plays Shape Of You, he also imagines the Shape Of You Dead.

Edders Sheeran looks absolutely nothing like Ed Sheeran, the chart-topping musician whose albums are named after mathematical symbols that, to me, form the sum of nothing in particular. Music that's so… music, every radio station can pop it on their playlists and know it'll appeal to people who quite like music. Ed's look is checked shirts and hoodies, as he's the dressed down boy-next-door. Edders Sheeran… isn't exactly the boy-next-door, although I'd say he certainly hits the vibe of a little guy you'd want to be pals with.

A halfling of the dwarven sub-race, Edders Sheeran is resistant to poison, which I'm sure will come in handy as he develops haters over the course of his career. I made him a bard because bards are all-singing, all-dancing and Edders Sheeran lives to perform, whether that be to paralyse brains-with-legs or to woo cute companions who act like they're all tough but can't possibly resist Castle On The Hill plucked on the lute with vigour and passion.

What people don't know about Edders Sheeran is his past. Even Edders Sheeran doesn't know what's gone on in his past, except that he has this Dark Urge? It's a mysterious origin story that grants you an unquenchable thirst to murder and pillage, sprinkled with a garnish of amnesia. So far, it's sprung up as Edders Sheeran went to loot a corpse and he had a vision of thousands of corpses strewn over a mysterious land. A quick intelligence roll to probe the vague memory revealed a love for death, a flicker of a smile passing his juicy lips.

I like to imagine Edders Sheeran on Would I Lie To You?, a game show here in the UK that sees comedians/TV people try and figure out whether someone's story is the truth or an elaborate lie. Like Bob Mortimer's famous splitting of an apple with his bare hands, Edders Sheeran would prove he could split a cadaver in two to the disgust of the audience and panel, then pronounce, "I love that sort of thing".

Stay tuned for more adventures! I'm sure Edders Sheeran's dark urges will surface soon and like, shatter all the nice relationships he's built with his fellow travelling companions.